


à l'ombre

by andtheny



Series: Five is a problem solver [4]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Dead Ben Hargreeves, Dysfunctional Family, Family Dynamics, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Good Intentions, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, No Apocalypse, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy-centric, POV Ben Hargreeves, Protective Ben Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:47:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27983292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andtheny/pseuds/andtheny
Summary: “Jealousy is not a good look for you,” Ben said. “Seriously, Klaus, it’s not like-”“I’m sure you have great conversations with Five,” Klaus said. “The real intellectual kind. A rigorous back and forth while you debate the infinite cosmos and… and math.”“Klaus-”“Wait, I guess it would be more like a lecture!" Klaus said. “Five holding court, you a rapt and SILENT audience. Just like old times, huh?”“Fuck you,” Ben said. “I’m just worried that-”“That he’ll kill over when you’re not looking?”"Yes!"___________________Or, that time Ben was a bit of a stalker.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves
Series: Five is a problem solver [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977970
Comments: 36
Kudos: 227





	à l'ombre

_Incidentally, if you have never stalked someone close to you, I highly recommend it. Check out how it transforms them. How other they become, and how infinitely necessary and justified the stalking becomes when you realize how little you know about them._

_― Dana Spiotta_

The museum was a bad idea. Ben wished he could say so. 

Five walked too quickly between displays. Where other people would linger, or marvel, or discuss the historical context of whatever they were looking at, Five would just look at the text written about the display. Read it out loud. Glance at the piece. Then move on to the next. Like the whole thing was a homework assignment he was in a hurry to get done.

If Klaus had come with them, Ben could have put an early stop to it. But he hadn’t come. Instead Five briskly walked through the museum on his own with Ben trailing after him, wishing desperately that Five would just _leave._

They were at the freaking Metropolitan. It was the largest museum in the country. Did Five plan on visiting every floor? Would he keep going until the place closed? 

“Painted in 1787 by Jacques Louis David,” Five read from a plaque. “ _The Death of Socrates_ is a Neoclassical work known for its amazing perspective and fabric design.”

Five snorted. “Fabric design? Really?” 

It was a very dramatic painting. The way the man in the red- was it a toga?- the man in the red toga was holding out a cup with one hand and sort of covering his eyes with the other. Like he couldn’t bear to look at the man he was giving the cup to. 

“As told through Plato’s works, Socrates was accused of corrupting the youth and denying the gods,” Five continued. “When given the choice between renouncing his ideas or dying by drinking hemlock, Socrates found great honor in death.”

Oh. Looking closer at characters, it looked like everyone was very upset by the choice Socrates was making. There was a guy in the background just sort of pressing his face against the wall. 

Like he didn’t want to watch.

It was the kind of pose Ben had seen Klaus use before. Hands up in the air, face turned away from everyone, playing up his distress. A man who demands to be comforted. 

“What a stupid thing to do,” Five said. “There’s no honor in death.” 

“Plenty of boredom though,” Ben murmured. “And… and frustration.” 

He always felt a little silly, when he talked to someone like this. Why say anything when you can’t be heard, right? 

Ben turned away from the painting, expecting Five to start walking away. But he didn’t walk away.

Five stood still for once, keeping his eyes on the painting. 

“You know,” Five said. “I keep picturing you the way you were when I left.” 

Ben chuckled. “I got a lot taller.” 

“I’ve seen you more than once now,” Five continued. “I know what you look like, but I guess I haven’t seen you enough for it to really stick.” 

Five held his hand out in front of him, indicating a height just a bit shorter than him. “You were right here. Just below me. I liked that I was taller than you.”

Ben could pretend they were having a real conversation, like this. It was nice. 

“Hey, you were the second shortest,” Ben said. “I grew past Vanya soon enough though. If you’d stayed I might have-” 

“And I liked that you were quiet,” Five said. “But now I…” 

Five cleared his throat and turned away from the painting. He continued reading from the displays as if nothing had happened.

“I wish you could hear me too,” Ben said. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It _was_ possible to talk to Five. But their talks were stepped in anxiety. Klaus was getting better at manifesting and he practised more often, and with more diligence, than he ever had before. Yet the longest he’d been able to maintain it was just over an hour.

And the entire time Ben was aware of time ticking down the drain as he scrambled to say all the things he’d always wanted to say, but suddenly couldn’t bring to mind. 

He had this problem when trying to talk to anyone, really, but with Five it was somehow worse. Was it because of all that time Five had been missing? Or because their friendship, as children, had always involved Five handling most of the talking anyway? 

Whatever the reason, Ben always seemed to put his foot in his mouth. 

“The Socrates painting was my favorite.” Ben could feel that he was almost out of time, and he remembered that he had wanted to acknowledge the museum trip Five had taken for him. “Uh, it was very… cool.” 

Five scoffed. “It glorifies a brilliant man’s pointless suicide.” 

“Wow!” Klaus laughed. “Way to shit on Ben’s favorite painting.” 

Ben winced and Five sighed. “Sorry,” Five started. “I just-”

“No, no,” Ben said. “You’re fine. And not wrong. I just meant… I uh…”

In truth, it wasn’t the painting that he’d liked. It was what Five had said while looking at it. But Ben couldn’t figure out a way to say so without sounding cheesy. 

It didn’t help that they were stuck with Klaus. Would he laugh at them if Ben recounted what Five had said that day? Would Five be mad at him for letting Klaus in on that moment of sentimentality? 

“Forgetting the backstory,” Five said. “It was… high quality. Beautifully painted.”

“It just made an impression on me,” Ben said. “Maybe because it’s the only one you lingered on?” 

When Five looked him straight in the eyes like this, it was a little unnerving. But right now, as they looked at each other, Ben wanted to believe they were on the same page.

Then Five spun towards Klaus and growled, “You’re supposed to warn me when you run out of energy!” 

Aaand they were out of time.

“Sorry, I thought I could hold it!” Klaus said. “Uh, Ben says goodbye and he loves you?” 

“Goddammit, Klaus,” Ben said. 

“Fuck you too, buddy,” Klaus said cheerfully. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was wrong to spy on Five. Ben knew that, but sometimes he just couldn’t help himself. 

Five was sitting at his desk with that mannequin nuzzled in his lap, chin propped up on her head. He was reading one of dad’s journals.

The mannequin had a wig now, courtesy of Klaus. It was a simple brown bob with bangs.

Weird as it was, to see Five talk to a mannequin as if she was a person, it was also sort of nice. Because Five said things to her that he’d probably never discuss with anyone else. 

“I need to narrow down the cause of the side effect in the first place.” Five circled something in the journal. Ben peeked over his shoulder, but couldn’t make sense of the symbols. “If I fix the formula, I’ll know why it changed Luther the way it did. If I know why, I can create an antidote.” 

It was like eavesdropping on a phone call. Ben could only hear one side of the conversation.

“Of course I want a healing serum,” Five said. “It would be convenient. Do you know how many times Diego’s crawled home with gunshot wounds?” 

“And Diego thinks you don’t care,” Ben muttered.

“Once is more than enough,” Five said. “Gunshots aside, he’s relying on Mom to stitch up every gash and kiss every bruise. But one of these days she’ll glitch or he’ll… he won’t make it here in time.” 

“Klaus stole a bulletproof vest from a squad car,” Ben said, unhelpfully. “He gave it to Diego last we-”

“Good point. I’ll need to make sure it’s not possible to overdose.” 

“Overdose? On a healing serum?” Ben looked at the formula again, wishing he knew more about chemistry.

“But Luther would agree with me,” Five said. “He’d say furthering Dad’s research is-”

Five trailed off with a huff. 

“Did Dolores interrupt you?” Ben laughed. “Very rude of her.”

Ben looked at Five expectantly, prepared for him to say something else, but he just sat there. Frowning. 

Was Dolores still talking?

“Maybe just talk to Luther, dude,” Ben said. “Then you’d really know what he would-” 

"How can I be neglecting her when she's not even _here_?" Five finally said. 

“Oh shit,” Ben said. “Who? You mean Allison?”

It was hard to keep track of their conversation. “Wow, I really feel left out,” Ben said. “Even more than usual, damn.” 

"You're twisting my words." 

It would be better to leave now, wouldn’t it? What was he doing, trying to pretend he could talk to Five? But he couldn’t bring himself to go.

“Does it bother you that Allison went back to California?” Ben asked.

"You just going to keep slinging siblings at me? I’m doing the best I can, but there’s only one of me.” 

“Exactly, there’s only one of you,” Ben said. “You should try asking for help, Five.”

Five looked at his watch. “It should be ready now.” 

“Klaus was right,” Ben sighed. “This is just depressing. I shouldn’t-” 

“I’m not having this argument again,” Five said. “I said _no_. The last thing I need is Luther tripping over an injured monkey.” 

“ _What_?” Ben said. 

“No, mice wouldn’t work,” Five said. “They don’t have the right anatomy.” 

He pushed back from the desk and stood, cradling the mannequin carefully. “You know there’s no talking me out of it,” he added. “But thanks.” 

“That sounds ominous,” Ben said. “Should I be worried? I’m worried.” 

Five set her down on his bed, propped up against a pillow and chuckled at her. “Yeah, well, they already think I’m a psychopath. If I got caught taking a knife to random animals imagine how _that_ would look? No, I’ll do without.” 

“I am getting really nervous, dude,” Ben said. “Very, very nerv-”

“Oh, calm down,” Five said. “I’ll be fine. You’ll see.” 

And with that foreboding farewell, Five disappeared in his usual flash of blue. 

“ _Shit_ ,” Ben said. “Shit, fucking shit!” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Running is a funny thing, when you’re dead. There are no obstacles, but it’s still disorienting to run in and out of rooms. The way the lighting changes, the moment of blindness while walking through walls or doors, the discomfort of looking down and realizing your torso is wading through an unexpected piece of furniture- or a person- when you enter a room. 

He ran into Klaus while looking for Five and tried to explain. “He’s going to do something dangerous!”

“Who?” Klaus said. “What, were you spying on little old Five again?” 

The mocking smile, the jovial unconcerned tone. It grated on Ben’s nerves. 

“Didn’t you hear me? We have to stop Five, we have to find him.” Ben had looked through half the house already, working his way quickly down each floor. But what if Five wasn’t even _in_ the house? What would they do then? 

“Okay, what exactly are we stopping him from doing?” Klaus put his hands on his hips. “Pray tell?”

“Something dangerous,” Ben repeated. “Uh, I’m not clear on the details, but Dolores seems to think-”

Klaus laughed. “You talk to the mannequin too?” 

“You know what? You’re no help,” Ben said. “I’m just going to possess you.”

Eyes widening, Klaus slowly backed up. “You can’t do that anymore, remember?” 

Ben advanced on him and smiled apologetically. “Yeah, I can.” 

“I’ve got a defense mechanism now!” Klaus said. “I just zap you out, don’t waste-”

“If I push through that I can still possess you,” Ben said. “I’ve done it before.” 

It was a struggle to get into Klaus’s body these days. Well, it had always been a struggle, but now there was this sort of undercurrent of fizzling electricity, which had grown stronger the longer Klaus had maintained his sobriety. It was like a shield, preventing ghosts from gaining entry without permission.

But Ben knew how to break it down. 

“Sorry, Klaus.” Ben heard Klaus’s voice say his words, and frowned at the gummy feeling of Klaus’s mouth. “Dude, you need to brush your teeth.” 

He resumed his search of the house, now with the added obstacle of doors. “Goddammit,” Ben muttered when he tripped over a chair. “Being solid kind of sucks.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He found Five in the med room, covered in blood. 

“What did you do?!” Ben, clumsy in Klaus’s body, knocked over a tray of bloody scalpels as he scrambled towards Five. “Are you okay?” 

For his part, Five looked annoyed. “Jesus, I’m _fine._ ” He wiped at the blood on his arm with a cloth and revealed unblemished skin underneath. “Look for yourself.” 

Ben was skeptical. “Then what’s all this blood? Did you kill someone?” 

“No, I did not.” Five glared at him. “Would you leave me alone? I’m working on something.” 

He looked Five over carefully and did not like what he saw. His brother was clammy, face pinched with concealed pain, and just… the _blood._

“What are you working on?” 

The scalpels painted a pretty clear picture. Blood, no injury… not wanting to hurt animals. Five had said something about a healing serum. Ben found the syringe on the floor and bent to pick it up. “You injected something?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Five said. “Mind your own business.” 

Ben grabbed Five’s arm and ran Klaus’s hands over the skin, looking for some kind of problem. It took him a minute to realize that Five’s skin was scorching hot, like he was feverish.

“You’re burning up,” Ben said. “What did you do, Five? I can’t help if I don’t know the details.” 

Five tried to teleport, but he was unsuccessful. He grunted with effort, clenching his fists together, but the blue glow barely flickered to life and then sputtered out. 

“Nice try,” Ben said. “But it looks like you have to talk to me.” 

Five chuckled. “Crap,” he said. Then his knees buckled. 

Wrapping his arms around Five- “God, you’re so small!”- Ben awkwardly carried his weight and shuffled them towards a gurney. 

“Aaaand it’s time to get Mom,” Ben said. “You’ll be fine, don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine.” 

“You’re not Klaus,” Five mumbled. “You’re not acting like Klaus.” 

“It’s Ben,” Ben said. “Sorry.” 

Five smiled at him. “Nosy son of a bitch,” he said. 

“Five, what did you do to yourself?” Ben swept Five’s bangs off of his face and felt his forehead. Not as hot as the arm, but alarmingly warm. “Talk to me. And, uh, stay conscious please.” 

“Said you’re gonna... get Mom?” Five said. 

“Right! Fuck.” She might be able to help, but Ben was reluctant to leave Five alone. “Don’t do anything while I’m gone.” 

Five gave him a lazy salute. 

“I’m serious, Five. Be good.” 

“Anythin’ fer _you_ , Ben.” He sounded drunk and his eyes were drooping closed. 

Fuck. 

Ben ran out of the room as fast as Klaus’s feet could carry him. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He managed to alert Mom of the situation before he lost control of Klaus’s body. Now he had to stand back and watch everyone freak out. 

“What’s wrong with Five?” Luther was the last on the scene. “Is he sick?” 

Five was decidedly unconscious. 

“The little idiot was conducting experiments on himself,” Klaus said. “Trying to fix-”

“Don’t tell him!” Ben said.

“Trying to fix what?” Luther said. 

Mom was in full nurse mode, hooking Five up to IV fluids and keeping tabs on his vitals. “Klaus, be a dear and go get me another ice pack?” 

“Yes ma’am!” Klaus said. 

Luther followed him out of the room and Ben was tempted to stay behind with Five, but ultimately decided he should go with them. 

“He was doing it for Luther,” Ben told Klaus as they walked. “Well, and Diego. He was saying something about-”

“Klaus, what was he trying to fix?” Luther said. 

“Um, well.” Klaus made eye contact with Ben, who shook his head. “I’m not clear on the details.”

“You said he was experimenting on himself,” Luther said. 

“That he was,” Klaus said. “I wasn’t actually the one who found him though. And Ben is keeping things to himself _for some reason._ ”

Luther looked around in that way he did when he remembered Ben’s existence. “Huh? He doesn’t want to tell you what happened?” 

“I just think it’ll upset him,” Ben said. “You know how Luther is. He’ll blame himself. And, and Five would get mad at me for-” 

“I don’t know, man,” Klaus said. “Those two speak their own language sometimes.” 

“Sorry,” Ben said. “I just… sorry.” 

Klaus held his left arm up around roughly where Ben was standing and tried to wind the other around Luther- though he gave up the attempt and settled for patting the guy on the back- and made a show of sighing wistfully. “Don’t look so depressed guys! You know, Five. He does crazy things sometimes, but he’s a stubborn little trooper! He won’t die that easily.” 

“Dude. That’s not reassuring,” Ben said. 

Luther seemed to agree. He looked queasy. “Let’s hurry up and get that ice.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Mom was able to break Five’s fever. He slept for nine hours straight, looking oddly still, but when he opened his eyes it was like he’d woken up from a normal nap. He yawned, sat up, and teleported out of bed. 

The IV and heart monitor were abandoned to flutter down into the empty spot he’d vacated, and the machine freaked out as if Five had just flatlined. 

Ben watched Mom hurry into the room and laugh when she realized what had happened. She quickly turned the machine off, fondly shaking her head. “Oh that Five,” she said. “Always so impatient.” 

“He’s gonna get himself killed,” Ben groaned. “One of these days, I swear.” 

Maybe it was a good thing that Five couldn’t see him. Ben could help, this way. Keep an eye on him, protect him. 

For years Ben had been powerless, but this time he’d actually made a difference. He’d _saved_ someone. 

With that in mind, Ben decided that, from now on, he would follow Five around with more persistence.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Whenever Five teleported to another part of the house Ben had to guess where he’d gone. Sometimes it was obvious that Five was just heading for the bathroom, or the kitchen, but other times he had to wander around and look for him. 

That’s what he was doing when he heard a dramatic gasp, and turned to see Klaus pantomiming shock. “My word!” Klaus exclaimed. “Is that you, Ben?” Klaus shielded his eyes from imaginary sunshine and squinted. “Why, I haven’t seen you in years!” 

“You’re not funny,” Ben said. 

“Oh, I’ve been great,” Klaus said. “My career has really taken off, you know. Booked a stand up special at the _Apollo_ and everything. The crowd was huge! And the whole thing was filmed for Netflix.”

“Good for you,” Ben deadpanned. “Don’t forget the little people.” 

“I’ll never forget where I came from,” Klaus intoned. “My loving family, my _loyal_ brother. Who for years stood by my side before coldly abandoning me as soon as-”

“Okay, jealousy is not a good look for you,” Ben said. “Seriously, Klaus, it’s not like-”

“I’m sure you have _great_ conversations with Five,” Klaus said. “The real intellectual kind. A rigorous back and forth while you debate the infinite cosmos and… and math.” 

“Klaus-”

“Wait, I guess it would be more like a lecture,” Klaus said. “Five holding court, you a rapt and _silent_ audience. Just like old times, huh?” 

“Fuck you,” Ben said. “I’m just worried that-”

“That he’ll kill over when you’re not looking?” Klaus said. “Or that he’ll vanish into the night?” 

“You saw what he did to himself!”

“He had a fever,” Klaus scoffed. “You acted like he was on the verge of death, but he just-”

“He cut his own arm open and then injected himself with a- with a prototype healing serum!” Ben hadn’t seen the injury itself, but the blood still sat heavily on his mind. He figured Five had cut into some kind of vital artery, and wondered if that had been part of his intent. “The same serum, mind you, that fucked up Luther!” 

“It wasn’t the same one,” Klaus said. “He’s a little scientist, he made changes. Nearly fixed it.” 

“Yeah, well, how long would he have been alone and unconscious in that room if I hadn’t been there?” 

Klaus pouted. “Sure, but the guy’s not stupid. Don’t you think he learned his lesson?”

“No, I don’t.” 

Klaus threw his hands up. “Then I guess you can play guard dog for the rest of his life!” 

“I guess I can!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!” Klaus stomped away, but paused after a few steps. 

He suspected Klaus would turn around, but he ducked through a wall to get out of sight. 

The argument would just drag on otherwise, and he had to find Five. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


At first he thought Five had left the house. But Ben circled back to Five’s room and found that Five had come back from wherever he’d gone.

“Sure, but Vanya’s fine in the meantime.” Five was talking to Dolores while he rummaged around in his closet.

“At least she’s _alive_. Ben..."

“I’m right here, Five.” Ben glanced from Dolores to Five. “I wish-” 

"I need to prioritize. I’ve wasted too much time already." Five found what he was looking for. “Aha! I knew I still had it.” 

It was his old sweater vest. The one that went with the Umbrella Academy uniform. Ben hadn’t seen Five wear the whole thing in a long while.

"Oh sure, and then what?” Five was already wearing the white button up shirt and the blue shorts. He added the vest as he spoke. “Even if I got the timing right they wouldn't listen to me."

“I wish you could hear me, Five,” Ben said. “I wish you could confide in me the way you used to.”

“Time travel is not a toy _._ ” Five wrapped a tie around his neck. “I can’t just zip around trying to solve frivolous problems.”

That’s when Ben noticed the briefcase sitting on Five’s bed. “What, you’re going to time travel? Right now?!” 

“That’s not fair.” Five pulled on the long socks. Put on his shoes. “I told you why. To provoke them. I want to see how they’ll react before I take any risks where Ben’s concerned.”

Ben gaped at him. “Shouldn’t you consult me where I’m concerned?!” Shouting was useless, but Ben shouted anyway. “You can get Klaus to manifest me!” 

“Yeah, well, I can’t make all my decisions on sentimentality. And Pogo was… too close to the apocalypse.“

“Fuck, where are you _going?_ ” Ben knew it was too late to try and alert Klaus. Five was slipping his blazer on, adjusting dials on the briefcase. “ _When_ are-” 

“Don’t call her that. She’s not… well, not anymore.” 

“Should I follow you?” Ben said. “I wouldn’t know how to help without Klaus.” 

“Anyway, this will kill two birds with one stone,” Five continued. “Maybe the Commission will thank me. I don’t need to be cleaning up their messes.” 

“I didn’t go with Klaus to Vietnam,” Ben said. “He vanished unexpectedly. We didn’t know what the briefcase was, back then. And he reappeared a second later, dressed differently, and wouldn’t talk to me.” 

“The extra briefcase is a bonus,” Five said. “A… contingency. Anyway, Diego will be happy and Klaus won’t notice the difference.”

“I wish I knew what she was saying.” Ben glared at Dolores, as if he could decipher her language through force of will or something. 

“Nice try. But I won’t let you keep delaying me.” Five gave her a pat on the head. “Look, I know you don’t approve but would it kill you to wish me luck? Hmm?” 

“Shit!” Ben said. “I don’t know what to do.” 

“ _Thank_ you.” He gave Dolores a kiss on the cheek. “Well, I’m off then. I’ll be back before you know it.” 

Five opened the briefcase and vanished. 

Ben just stood there, quietly horrified, and tried to ignore all the worst case scenarios running through his head. 

Then Five reappeared, rumpled but whole. His hair was messed up, there was a bit of blood on the collar of his shirt, and- more notably- he was holding _two_ briefcases. 

“There, you see?” Five said. “Nothing to worry about.” 

“Dude,” Ben said. “Not cool.” 

Five vanished again, but Ben knew it was a spatial jump this time from the blue light. 

“Goddammit,” Ben said. “This is pointless, isn’t it? I’m useless.” 

Maybe he should just accept it. He was dead and little more than a shadow, clinging on for no good reason. 

When Five warped into the room again Ben flinched.

Five was empty handed now. He had stored the briefcases somewhere else.

“Okay. That’s it," Ben said. "I’m officially going to give up!” 

Five took off his blazer and undid his tie with a self satisfied smirk. “You got that right.” 

“I mean it,” Ben said. “I’m going. At least with Klaus I can be part of the conversation.” 

It was disappointing when Five didn’t say anything else. He just continued to undress, humming to himself. 

Ben turned away and walked out of the room. He told himself it was for the best. It was wrong to spy on Five anyway. He’d just be annoyed if he knew he was being stalked like this. 

Yeah. It was for the best.


End file.
